Divorce causes so many different emotions that it can seem overwhelming at times. One of the strongest of these emotions is despair. It's easy to understand why despair comes along in the course and aftermath of a divorce. So many things are changing at once that it's difficult to be able to focus on all of them, let alone cope with them. After debris has settled though, holding onto despairing thoughts is more likely to leave you stuck than it is in helping you to pick up the pieces and move forward.

Let's focus on why these thoughts of despair don't help soothe a wounded spirit, but instead cause you to you to use poor judgement at a time when you need to be making a lot of important decisions.

You aren't able to be there emotionally for your children - If you're in the depths of your own sadness over your own losses, that leaves little room for you to help your children adjust to their own sadness over their own losses. Your kids need you. They need to know you will be there to hold them when they cry. Is it ok for you to cry right along with them? Sure it is. But you have to be able to distance yourself from your own thoughts of pain to tune into theirs.

You don't handle your daily responsibilities - When despair lingers, it turns into that nasty little thing called depression. Most depressed people experience such things as sleep problems, irritability and a lack of desire to do anything. All of those create a recipe for disaster with daily living. You may find yourself not paying bills on time, taking off of work to lie around sleeping or crying or just vegging out watching hours and hours of TV. This is a slippery slope that's leads to a pit that's very hard to climb out of.

You can wind up in a really lousy relationship - If the sadness causes you to seek out comfort from any source, you won't be as discerning as you might generally be, leading to a potentially unhealthy relationship. This will cause more headache and problems for you rather than comfort. You are in NO shape to be in another relationship when you're still grieving another one. Not to mention the way your kids will feel about a new "companion" when they are still reeling from the fresh divorce.

Pay attention to these warning signs. Take a good hard look at where you are right now. Is it a good place or are you sliding down? Do you have a right to feel sad and overwhelmed for awhile? Sure you do! It's when it becomes a habit over a period of time and it begins affecting those around you that you need to take steps to move forward.

This checklist was adapted from one created by a Certified Financial Planner in San Diego, California. It includes common ways in which a spouse may undervalue or disguise marital assets. Be advised, however, that you may have difficulty finding some items or getting the proof you need to show they exist. As mentioned, a forensic accountant, formal discovery procedures, or both may help.

• Collusion with an employer to delay bonuses, stock options, or raises until after the divorce. You might find this information by taking the deposition of your spouse's boss or payroll supervisor, but more likely you'll need a forensic accountant.

• Salary paid to a nonexistent employee. The checks will be voided after divorce. Again, you might find this information by taking the deposition of your spouse's boss or payroll supervisor, but you'll probably need a forensic accountant.

• Money paid from the business to someone close-such as a father, mother, girlfriend, or boyfriend-for services that were in fact never rendered. The money will no doubt be given back to your spouse after the divorce is final.

• A custodial account set up in the name of a child, using the child's Social Security number.

• Delay in signing long-term business contracts until after the divorce. Although this may seem like smart planning, if the intent is to lower the value of the business, it is considered hiding assets.

• Skimming cash from a business.

• Antiques, artwork, hobby equipment, gun collections, and tools that are overlooked or undervalued. Look for lush furnishings, paintings, or collector-level carpets at the office, reflecting income that is unreported on tax returns and financial statements. Lifestyle costs will exceed income, so document any of the cash expenses you know your spouse has incurred.

• Debt repayment to a friend for a phony debt.

• Expenses paid for a girlfriend or boyfriend such as gifts, travel, rent, or tuition for college or special classes.

• Cash kept in the form of traveler's checks and money orders. You may be able to find these by tracing bank account deposits and withdrawals.