Is it possible to have an easy divorce? A low cost divorce? Or do all divorce settlements necessarily end in hard feelings and financial ruin? The truth is that divorce can be low-cost and easy… or it can be a long ordeal that can drag on for months. No matter how emotional things get, just remember that you always have a choice and that your willingness to negotiate through mediation can help speed up the whole process, thereby minimizing the pain inflicted on your family.
Mediation is a legal process in which a trained, impartial third-party will offer divorce help and support by assisting both parties to reach an agreement. A couple preparing to divorce should not rely solely on a mediator. Rather, the husband and wife should consult their respective attorneys about their specific procedures and legal consequences of the mediation process.
If mediation is not successful, then the case must go to trial. In most cases, it is best to avoid a trial as attorney’s fees, alone, can pile up if delaying tactics are used. Furthermore, studies show that people feel more satisfied with mediated Separation Agreements than with those that are ordered by the court. Finally, since the process is more civil and less emotionally grueling, mediation minimizes any trauma to the children.
Life after divorce can be a fresh new start. Mediation can not only save time and money, but can also
reduce emotional and psychological baggage for everyone.
Which usually includes a real sense of loss for children. Kids - and parents - grieve the loss of the kind of family they had hoped for, and children especially grieve the loss of the presence of a parent. Helping your children deal with stress will help to make the transition through the divorce process less difficult. Mourning the loss of a family is normal, but over time both you and your child will come to some sort of acceptance of the changed circumstances.
How can you decrease the stress your child feels over the changes brought on by divorce? Mainly by learning to respond to his or her expressions of emotion. Invite open and honest conversations with your children. Help your children put their feelings into words and be a good listener when they respond, even if it is difficult for you to hear. Allow them to share their emotions and be a good listener even if it is difficult for you to hear. Normalize their feelings and offer support by asking them how they think you can help them feel better.
Expect that your child's adjustment could take a while. Some emotional and behavioral reactions to the stress of divorce last for months or even a year. Some may be much more temporary, lasting only until the situation stabilizes and a child's routine can be re-established.
It's also important to remember that these responses do not necessarily indicate permanent problems. Much of the time, kids' emotional concerns following divorce are temporary if handled with sensitivity. But sometimes, children have a longer response. Being attentive to the signs your child sends about his or her feelings can help you to help your child cope with them.
Children have extremely fragile minds and divorce can cause feelings of depression and anxiety. Mostly children tend to get anxious about the living arrangement and not having one of their parents around. The most traditional approach for living arrangements for children has been for the children to live with one of the parents with the other parent having visitation rights. There are also times when children alternate between their parents’ home. However, this can prove to be difficult if both the parents are not staying close to the child’s school. In addition, this sort of a living arrangement may hamper the child’s social circle if both the parents do not reside in the same neighborhood. Therefore, to ensure that children have a stable home and social environment, most parents have started opting for a nesting arrangement.
A nesting arrangement allows the children to stay in one home whereas the parents move in and out as per their agreement. Typically, in a nesting arrangement, each parent has a separate residential address where they stay when it is not their turn to live with the children. This sort of an arrangement becomes especially useful when your child has a pet. Pets can be an important stabilizing factor in your child’s life at the time of the divorce. When nothing in your child’s environment seems the same, pets can provide great comfort emotionally by being the one steady factor in your child’s life. Children tend to feel that their world is coming apart because of the divorce. The last thing that you would want to do would be to deprive your child of their pet. Even if you are not opting for a nesting arrangement, make sure that your child gets to keep the pet.
Living arrangements can be relatively simpler when you have one child. However, what happens when your child has siblings? It would not be in the best interests of your children to have them separated. Your children already stand to lose their home as well as their parents. Think about the mental torture that the siblings will go through when they learn that they will be losing each other as well. Being around siblings can provide great reassurance to your children. This can be a lonely time for your children and they can help each other by being there for each other and talking about their insecurities. This is the time when your children need their brother or sister more than ever.
Your children will be going through an emotional turmoil and they may not be able to understand whom to turn to. As children, they might become confused while analyzing where their loyalties lie. When your children do not know where to turn to, they will most likely turn to each other for support. Sibling relationship can be one of the most wonderful relationships in the world. Brothers and sisters share a special bond wherein they protect, love, share, and care for one another. This bond requires time to build up. If you separate your children from each other, they will not be able to spend quality time and may not be able to form an intimate emotional connection with each other.
Having children who are teenagers can be especially challenging. It is imperative for you to understand that even though teenagers may appear to be grown up, divorce can still be a tough time for them. Teenagers may blame you or your spouse for the split and may find it very hard to accept a third person in your life, if you have any. There are times when teenagers blame themselves for the divorce. Teenage children tend to worry more about the financial aspect because they do not know if they would still be able to maintain their lifestyle or not. In addition, they find it very hard to express themselves because of their anger and may keep their emotions bottled up inside.
Teenagers will have many questions about the divorce and your relationship with your ex-spouse. This is because they are beginning to understand the dynamics of relationships now and would want to know how correct they are in their thought process. An aspect that affects children and grandparents alike is their relationship during the divorce process. Divorce can change certain relationships and this change may be hard on you as well as your grandchild. Parents can help in making the grandparents understand their roles after the divorce. There are times when divorce process is a bitter one and the grandparents may be deprived of meeting their grandchildren out of spite. In such cases, you can either talk about your concerns to the custodial parent or seek legal assistance to gain visitation rights.
When Co-
Parenting
Co-parenting is much easier said then done. I mean you divorced this person because you didn't feel like you could live with them anymore. You no longer choose to have them be an important person in your life. But, when you have children together, you will always be connected. This is the often ignored dirty little secret of divorce with children. You can't just pretend your ex-spouse doesn't exist. You DO have to interact with them when it comes to your children.
Accepting this is tantamount in being able to effectively co-parent together. The sooner you let go of this false dream of writing them off, the sooner you can get down to the business of raising your children together.
One of the biggest mistakes I see co-parenting couples do is not back each other up. This is an extremely immature stance and one that shows everyone outside the situation that you do not have your children's best interests at heart.
Are you always going to agree with decisions your ex-spouse makes toward your children? Not likely! Were these disagreements part of what caused the divorce in the first place? Possibly.
Even if you disagree, you MUST back them up. For example, if your child comes to your house and begins crying about how mom grounded him from the computer for a week because he didn't turn a paper in at school, you need to support your ex-wife's stance on that. Notice I didn't say you have to think her choice for punishment was a good one. This is NOT the time to say such things as "Well, everybody makes a mistake. I don't understand why your mother makes such a big deal about those things. I never did."
Doing that completely undermines mom's authority and teaches your children that you can be manipulated. If you disagree, then take it up with your ex-spouse privately. But be careful here. Make sure that it's something you disagree with enough to warrant a discussion with your ex. Don't go fighting over minor details. In case you're having trouble telling them apart. The above example equals a minor detail.
You should NEVER let your child know that you disagree with something their other parent did (unless there's an abusive situation). Your stance, in front of your children, should be in agreement with that other parent.
In order to be able to discuss concerns or disagreements with your ex-spouse, you're going to need to be able to keep an open line of communication with them. This may take a lot of work and biting of your tongue. Ultimately it is the best situation for your children though.
Co-parenting is just one of the adjustments you have to make now if you're a divorced parent.
When considering divorce and its financial consequences, it may at times seem hard to believe that anyone can survive it. Vengeful wives have been known to max out their husbands’ credit cards prior to a divorce settlement and deadbeat dads have been known to refuse to pay alimony and child support. The consequences can be devastating and nightmarish.
This is why, in many cases, it can be sound divorce advice to suggest that each party consult with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. These professionals are often familiar with the issues regarding women and divorce, or they have insights into divorce for men. A good financial analyst can help you wade through the dangerous waters of debt and collection agencies, particularly when the debt was ordered by the court to be your spouse’s responsibility.
Ensuring your financial survival will make coping with divorce much easier. While your attorney can offer divorce support and suggestions on how to make it a low cost and easy divorce, your financial analyst will offer you divorce information that may keep you from defaulting on your payments or from doing anything that may adversely affect your credit score.
As you approach your final divorce settlement, you will want to seek out the best divorce help. Learn everything you can about how to get a divorce and hire the best attorney and financial analyst to keep you informed about your legal and financial rights and responsibilities. They may provide guidance that will make life after divorce much easier.
Unfortunately, divorce is one of the harshest circumstances facing families today. In the past few decades, the divorce rate has skyrocketed. Much of this increase in divorce has been attributed to the strengthening of women's roles in the modern world. Other factors have contributed to the rising rate of divorce among both first and second marriages, not all of them revolving around the female.
Divorce is very often the result of poor decisions made in one's formative years, and for some, the divorce is the only suitable outcome for the marriage. If you are facing an impending divorce, know that a plethora of information on divorce and legal help exist out there to help you through what may be the most difficult time of your life.
Since men and women have been joining together to create families and procreate, the idea of divorce dates back as far. It is only in the recent past, though, that divorce rates have begun to climb. It used to be quite taboo to think about proceeding with a divorce. In many cultures and religions it was, and still is, strictly forbidden. The times have definitely changed, and in some communities, divorce is more the norm, with unbroken homes being outnumbered.
While divorce is not an easy process for either party in a failing marriage to pursue, if you have decided to follow this path and are seeking to divorce your spouse, the best thing to do is secure an appropriate divorce attorney. Hire a divorce attorney from the start to ensure that you have an objective and wise professional to represent you and see that you are treated fairly. Good legal advice can get you a long way. Your divorce attorney may be a mediator between you and your soon to be ex-spouse if it comes down to divorce mediation, and can communicate with him or her during those times that it does not feel possible for you to do so.
Your divorce attorney will guide you through the legal system. This attorney will provide you with all the information you will need to get through the beginning of the divorce proceedings until the end, with things hopefully concluding in your best interests, and your children if applicable.
Of great assistance to you emotionally will also be the legal help you get from your divorce attorney throughout the divorce process. It may be that those who befriended you as a couple may choose to abandon you for the other party, when you go through a divorce. You may find that your divorce attorney may be not only a fountain of knowledge for you, but a support beam to lean on.
In addition to your divorce attorney, many communities offer support groups and counseling services for those under the strain of divorce. There is a wide variety of help out there for you and your family, and the first step in healing is to seek it out.
